If Larry Was a Lawyer
by purplefishcake
Summary: What if Larry got fired from one of his jobs and decided to become a lawyer?
1. Chapter 1

"NICKKK!!!! Guess what!!" Larry shouted, running into the Wright and Co. Law Offices.

Phoenix heaved a heavy sigh. Larry was the only other person who could make him bankrupt in a matter of seconds. He was going to borrow or steal money from him again. He just knew it.

Isn't there a law that states that being fired from thousands of jobs and then borrowing money from his best friend countless times and 'with' permission is illegal?

There wasn't. He checked. He checked every law book known to man. So. Many. Times.

"Well, Nick? Can you guess?" Larry looked excited.

Phoenix could think of so many reasons for him being there. "You got arrested again for calling an old lady fat."

"Nick!!" Larry whined, "Just because that happened _last _time doesn't mean that it happened _this_ time!!"

"You broke into a bank to kill a tiny mouse. _Again."_

"No!! And it wasn't a mouse! It was a rat!! There is a difference, you know!!"

While Phoenix continued guessing ridiculous things Larry had done in the past and some things that he thought of doing, the door behind them opened.

"Hey Nick, I think Pearly puked on—LARRY!!! What are you doing here?!?!" Maya shouted when she saw Larry standing in front of Phoenix's desk, "Let me guess, you got dumped by a girl, _again, _and then you got fired from your job, _again_, and now you're asking Nick to file a suit against the company that fired you?"

Larry started screaming again. "That was _last _time!! This is now!! I'm a changed man!!"

Maya and Phoenix exchanged looks.

"Wait a minute. What _did_ Pearls puke on?" Phoenix asked.

Maya played with a strand of her hair. "She didn't vomit on Charlie. Or on your new suit. Or your tiny Oldbag voodoo doll. Or your old letters from your mother. Or your old childhood photographs

"Okay then, what, exactly, are _you_ doing here?" Phoenix asked.

Larry finally noticed a chair in front of him and sat down.

"Well, it's a long story but since you're my best friend, you'll listen, right?"

"It depends. Anyways, why don't you bother Edgeworth with this? He's much more…Um…Experienced than I am," Phoenix said.

Larry pouted. "Are you trying to get rid of me?!?! Besides, Edgeworth lost to you so many times. Think of all the times you guys fought in court. How many times have you won?"

Phoenix thought for a moment. "I don't know. More than I can count."

"And how many times has he won against you?"

"A few."

Larry jumped out of his chair. "See? Besides, what I came here for, he can't do."

Phoenix sighed. Maya took this time to 'borrow' Phoenix's wallet 'with' his permission.

"Well, anyways, I'll just continue because you can't answer it!! Well, I was walking down the street and I saw this pretty lady from the back but it turned out that she was a he and then punched my lights out—"

Phoenix interrupted, "You want to sue him?"

"NO!! Just let me finish my story!!! And then when I woke up, a pretty lady was walking past me and then I drooled. I walked up to her and asked her out. It turned out that she is my girlfriend's sister. She called me later that day and then broke up with me—"

Phoenix interrupted him again, "You're here for love advice?! Aw come on!! Why don't you go ask someone else?! I haven't had a girlfriend in years!! Besides, why don't you go ask Edgeworth? An old lady chases him daily asking for his hand in marriage."

"LET ME FINISH MY STORY!!!" Larry shouted, "She dumped me and then, since her father is my employer, I GOT FIRED FROM MY JOB!!!"

Phoenix can only guess what'll happen next.

"So I've decided to become an attorney like you, Nick!!!"

Meanwhile, Maya was currently in Happy Shopping Land, unaware of what was going on in the office as she made Phoenix bankrupt again with all the burgers she bought.

* * *

**A/N: HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!**

**I haven't written anything in a while. I was kind of busy with my relatives coming over and all that. But I can write fanfics now!! Yay!! But…School starts next week.**

**I'd like to credit my uncle for "Happy Shopping Land". All the female adults were shopping non-stop and the children were dying of boredom when they did so. **

**PLEASE REVIEW!!**


	2. Chapter 2

Larry dragged a heavy law book from the shelf onto his table.

"Nick!! Do I have to read all these?" Larry whined.

Phoenix was busy looking for his credit card. He turned to look at Larry. "Yes, how are you supposed to study law without reading them?"

Larry pouted. "But, there _is _such thing as law school!"

Phoenix stopped looking for his credit card for a second to hit his head against the wall beside him.

"Yes, but you still have to read textbooks there and you don't even have the money to attend a law school!" Phoenix reasoned.

Larry pinched the bridge of his nose. "What if I get a scholarship?"

Phoenix snorted. "If you do, how are you supposed to study to pass the bar exam without reading?"

Larry thought for a moment before saying, "I'll take notes from your cases!"

"You'd probably be taken away by the bailiff in the first five minutes of the case for making too much noise."

"True. I know!! I'll bribe them!!"

Phoenix slapped his forehead.

The phone rang.

Phoenix left Larry and his search to pick up the phone.

"Hello?" Phoenix asked.

"Are you Mr. Phoenix Wright?" a voice on the other line asked.

"Yes, who, may I ask, is calling?" Phoenix said cautiously. It's true that he had gotten famous recently for winning cases, but it never hurts to be too careful.

Actually, it can.

If it was Maya on the other line, she would've asked him why he was cautious and then start crying and saying that he didn't trust her which would make Pearl angry and beat him up. Hard.

And then he would have to go to the hospital and pay the very expensive medical fee.

And then, as an apology, Pearl would book a very expensive hotel room for him and Maya to spend the night under his name.

Poor Phoenix.

"I'm the officer in charge for the detention centre down the street. Your friend Ayam Yef (1) has just been arrested for bankruptcy. Apparently, she had been using a credit card that was out of credit. Some things happened and then a mentos exploded (2) and it led us to her."

Phoenix nearly fainted. Maya Fey. This meant that she made him bankrupt once again.

And he saved up all that money from the past few cases too…

But, how did a mentos' explosion lead them to her?

Hm…

"Right, I'll be there in a minute." Phoenix replaced the receiver.

Phoenix sighed and walked into the room where Larry was reading Mia's collection of law books.

Larry was sitting on the table making origami versions of him being a world-famous lawyer and Phoenix being his servant (3) and Maya his trusty assistant and Edgeworth bowing down to him and the old lady who always chases Edgeworth was going gaga over Larry with pages of Mia's law books.

I feel sick.

Phoenix groaned. He'd need to replace those books later on in the future.

Someday, Larry'd need to pay him back for all these things, but that day seemed unlikely.

"Larry, I'm going to pick Maya up from the detention centre and pay bail. Do you think you can handle staying in the office for a few hours?"

Now he sounded like a worried mother.

"Of course, Nick!!"

Phoenix left.

While Phoenix was off to spend more money, Larry doodled on the law books and called a few law schools.

* * *

"!!!!!!" Larry shouted as Phoenix came through the door with Maya beside him.

"!!!" was Maya's longer reply.

They both started jumping up and down, crushing every germ and miniscule thing below them. Die germs!!

"NICK!! MAYA!!! Guess what!!!"

"You got arrested too?!" Phoenix moaned. He had enough paid for enough bail for one day.

"Nick!! Just because I got arrested doesn't mean Larry did too!!" Maya turned to Larry, "You swallowed sis' law book, didn't you?"

"NO!!! I DIDN'T DO ANY OF THOSE THINGS!!"

"What did you do then?" Phoenix asked.

"I passed the bar exam!!"

"WHAT?!?!?!"

* * *

**A/N: Yay! I finally had time to write a chap!! Sorry if it's not funny…Homework kills my imagination!! But the good news is that Term 3 ends in March so I have another 2 more months to wait til a 2 week holiday!! Yay!!**

**If you read Maya backwards, it's Ayam and Fey is Yef…**

**Mentos explodes when you put it in coke.**

**In class, my classmates made up a family that consists of only us girls. (Let's just use alphabets…) A is our 'mother' and me, B and C are triplets (we're about the same height and we tie our hair up into ponytails…) and then D is my knight and B's part-time slave because if she wasn't my knight, then she would have to be B's fulltime slave (at school) and do everything she tells her to and not just to untie her shoelaces and tie it up again. If you're wondering what happened to the father, D said that 'father' died and his ghost is in the other class. Our 'father' is not Sansan!! **

**Wow, that was long…**

**Anyways, **

**PLEASE REVIEW!!**


	3. Chapter 3

"WHAT?!?! HOW DID YOU, OF ALL PEOPLE, PASS THE BAR EXAM?!?!" Nick shouted.

Larry smiled his goofy smile. "Folding law book pages into different shapes can really help, Nick!"

Phoenix slapped his head. "You folded pages from a dead person's collection of law books and you passed the bar exam? Shouldn't Mia be haunting you not giving you good luck?!"

Larry shrugged. "Meh, the important thing is that I'm a lawyer now!"

"This calls for celebration!" Maya said as she dragged Phoenix and Larry into Tres Bien.

Phoenix groaned. "I'm guessing that I'll be paying for this?"

Maya nodded. "Of course! Who else? I don't have money and Larry's your best friend! Shouldn't you be happy that he's a lawyer now? I mean, come on! Once he gets his license, he can be your partner! But before that, he'll be working under you and will do all the boring paper work. He'll file all the cases, chase ambulances, kill the mosquitoes, clean the toilet, get paid by you, somehow get Franziska to fall madly in love with him, and then kill him, scare crows, eat cow dung, anything!"

Phoenix thought for a moment. Getting him to file and manage all the paperwork seems like heaven to him. Since most cases involve 90% paperwork, he'll have to hire another person to review all the files Larry handled. He won't need to spend hours on end to research things from amoebas to the universe. Also, he wouldn't need to clean the toilet! But, he had other plans in mind…

"_Hey Nick! The brilliantly handsome (1) defense attorney! Come on! Let's go get a burger!" Maya called out after watching a stack of Steel Samurai DVDs._

"_Not yet, my evilly short and childish assistant! Before we go, the toilet must be cleaned! Hop to it!" Phoenix said._

_Maya frowned, hopped to the toilet and scrubbed until her back hurt._

That was pretty much what Phoenix had in mind… Although, if that'd ever happen, the world would end.

But still, having Larry clean toilets as payback for what he did in the fourth grade sounds great. And now, all he needed to do was to find some sort of disgusting job to hand over to Maya. Hm…

"Nick!" Maya shouted, trying to ruin his daydream. So far, cold drinks being poured down his shirt, rapid Tasmanian devils gnawing on his pants and Armstrong standing there, smelling smelly weren't enough to wake him. He was just too into Lala land.

Nick still hasn't woken up.

Well, extreme times call for extreme measures. Armstrong told her that daydreaming wasn't extreme. Maya ignored him after aiming a revolver down his throat.

Maya dragged Barney the purple dinosaur away from little kids in a tree house.

Phoenix screamed as he heard and saw Barney. He had Barneyphobia.

After Barney's work was done, Maya threw him into a pile of cold poison, Tasmanian devils, and Jean Armstrong. Barney suffered. (2)

Now that Phoenix was wide awake, Maya requested that he should teach Larry how to chase ambulances and find clients.

Phoenix got up from his chair and said, "Maya, the one who does the ambulance chasing is you, not me."

Maya stood up too, for a dramatic effect. "Yeah, sure, but you taught ambulance chasing to me, remember?"

"That was Detective Gumshoe."

"Oh right… Ah well. Larry! Let's go bother Detective Gumshoe now!"

Maya dragged Larry to the Criminal Affairs Department.

"!!!" Maya screamed. Everyone stared at Larry, thinking that it was him who screamed. (3)

Detective Gumshoe stepped out of his 'office' (4) and looked around.

He saw Barney.

He screamed.

He, too, had Barneyphobia.

It took Maya nearly half an hour to calm him down.

Once Detective Gumshoe was back to normal (saying 'pal' at the end of every sentence and getting his pay checks cut), she told him to teach Larry to chase ambulances.

Larry asked why lawyers needed to chase ambulances.

"Well, you see, the patient might have been in some sort of accident and so we can file suit against him. Maybe sue him/her for a few hundred dollars, and boom, done," Maya said.

"I still don't understand how Detective Gumshoe could teach you these things even though he works for the government, in other words, against you," Edgeworth said, somehow appearing beside Gumshoe, "That's another pay cut for you."

Gumshoe ran into his corner.

Maya had to drag him out of his corner (he was SOOOOOO heavy!!) to get him to teach Larry to chase ambulances and sneak into hospitals.

"Okay, Butz, the first thing you should know about chasing ambulances is that you have to know which ambulance to chase. For that, we need to…"

* * *

**A/N: Done!! Well, this is probably going to be the last chapter I'm going to write for a while. Leaving school for Chinese New Year two weeks before the exam is not good at all. Finals are next week…**

**Sansan, if you're reading this, doesn't this seem familiar to you? "Good morning the super ultra handsome/beautiful mr./ms." Yep. I adopted the line from him. *cough*he even says it to Ms. MP*cough***

**To all the little children out there who love Barney: No offense. Barney didn't really suffer. He just had an unpleasant trip down torture lane.**

**Well, it's possible! They both don't have voices in the game! Since they're both mute in the game, it's kind of considered that they have the same voice! …To me, anyways…**

**Gumshoe might not have an office… We've never seen it in the game… We saw Oldbag's and she's not even a main character!**

**PLEASE REVIEW!!**


	4. Chapter 4

"Are you sure this is legal?" Larry asked.

"I'm very sure, well, not really, but still," Maya said, earning a shush from Detective Gumshoe.

Maya sulked and then planned revenge in her mind.

They were silently watching the red brick on the road, waiting for a car to trip over the brick, hopefully plummeting toward some random object that is conveniently nearby and then cause the driver to receive fatal blows to the head to leave him paralyzed or fall into a deep coma or something.

And then, after they dial 911 and an ambulance arrives, they would chase the ambulance and then hope that their victim doesn't have any relatives or friends who are lawyers or if he/she was a lawyer him/herself.

That would be very, very unfair.

They waited for hours but somehow no car tripped over the brick.

And they had a very, very big brick (well we ordinary people would consider the 'brick' to be a wall but since they are _extra_ordinary, they consider it as a brick) too...

All that hard work on making the 'brick' for a whole ten minutes had been wasted.

Maya and Larry became bored and went on a rampage. During their rampage, they tried to flatten Will Powers who looked big and heavy and that was very, very conveniently *cough*cough* beside them.

They weren't able to flatten him. Will was too strong and heavy for them.

Maya shrugged and then launched an impromptu bear hug on him. She hugged his neck with great strength which caused him to suffocate and then she pinched his cheek saying, "Who's the cutest?! You are! You are!!" (1) thus disgracing him.

He was sent to the hospital after that and Larry tried to keep his distance from her.

Maya finally gave up waiting and then yelled at a traffic policeman. She nearly got sent to jail for that, but she blamed it all on the old lady who was crossing the street at that time so all blame went to the old lady.

As soon as they arrived in Gumshoe's 'office' they made plans for their next attempt.

"You know," Gumshoe said to break the silence of the staring competition between Maya and Larry, "We can just do whatever every other lawyer does which does not involve anyone nearly killing anyone or burgers."

Maya sulked at Gumshoe's last statement especially the last word.

She made a mental note to herself to find more revenge plots for Gumshoe. Probably another pay cut.

"So what is what the other lawyers do? I think there are too many 'what's in the question. Was it a question or was it a statement? Am I sane or _in_sane? Where is sane anyways? Why are you looking at me like that? When will you stop looking at me like that? Who is that ugly old lady? How will Pearl force Phoenix to call Iris a fluffy balloon and marry Maya?" Larry asked.

Gumshoe and Maya stared at him. Was he okay?

Maya gave Gumshoe a go-ask-him-what-he-meant-or-else-I-will-ask-Barney-to-come-here-and-eat-your-brains glare.

Gumshoe gulped and did as Maya told him to.

Larry answered, "I was just trying to improve my English by asking questions. If you've been listening, most, if not all, of my questions started with the 5Ws and 1H. You know, who, what, when, where, why and how."

Maya and Gumshoe slapped their foreheads simultaneously. Gumshoe received a headache and fainted. Maya hugged a hamburger and ate it.

"Wait a minute, Gumshoe never answered my question!! Bring that scruffy detective back hereeee!!!" Larry threw a tantrum.

Gumshoe answered via telepathy, "Lawyers ask detectives or policemen for reports on accidents and then find the name of the hospital the victim is in and then give the victim a very persuading talk about lawyers and to never talk to insurance companies and to never sign anything before it is checked by them and all those other unimportant things. (2)"

Maya and Larry nodded their heads before arm-wrestling each other to see who was stronger because they tied the staring competition.

A lamp post hit Larry on the head and Maya got distracted by a flying hamburger. No one won and no one lost so they had to reschedule.

Then they headed off to the nearest police station and played good cop bad cop.

They ran around the station in police uniforms with either the words 'good cop' or 'bad cop' glued to the helmets on their head for protection.

They got arrested for impersonating a police officer and spent the rest of the day waiting for Phoenix to come and pay bail for them.

* * *

**A/R: I've just realised that the little footnotes at the bottom of my stories aren't really notes, but rants, so starting now, instead of the usual A/N, I'll type A/R.**

**(1) My classmate does this to my either me or my other classmate almost everyday…**

**(2) I got this from John Grisham's book:**_**The Rainmaker**_**. You should read it! It's good. I only hate the ending... It's kind of boring...**

**PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!**


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